Ramadan Mubarak

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I wish you all a blessed and beneficial Ramadan.

Please remember my family and I in your duas. Of course, you are all in my prayers too.

♥

The Royal Honeymoon

Well, we don't yet know where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are going for their honeymoon. To be honest I am not interested - its their private time, they're married and they shouldn't have to face half the world's media to get that privacy. But, it is interesting that the Daily Mail is reporting that their honeymoon location is somewhere in the Indian Ocean and is 'very Robinson Crusoe-like'. £4000 a night. Right. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

I'm left wondering if Kate Middleton has been rummaging through my wedding scrap book (I don't have one... Really) but there have been one too many coincidences if this honeymoon rumour is true.

This is 

This was

This is one of MY ideal holiday destinations... picture me stomping my feet!

Soneva Gili by Six Senses, Maldives (Crusoe Residences)

The award winning resort really is paradise on earth. A whole villa to yourself, a private butler, cook and transport to the main island whenever you request it. The entire resort prides itself on its commitment to eco issues (it was built using locally sourced wood) and they have a 'no news no shoes policy' (yes, they confiscate your shoes upon arrival). Jump off your villa whenever you fancy a swim or sleep under the stars on your outdoor bed. Request your own private picnic on one of the two small private desert islands nearby or go for a sunset boat ride with dolphins and sea turtles. Oh and HALAL FOOD. (All this info from memory - I impress myself sometimes).

Pretty much perfect.

I really sound like a snob but I don't care about the butlers and all the other small luxuries they throw in. I love this place so much for their philosophy and also how REMOTE it is. It truly is the perfect desert island.

♥ Quote of the Week

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“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see.” - Gabourey Sidibe

The Trees Didn't Make Me Cry!

I am so happy! She did the trees very differently to how I would have, so I sat back with a bowl of popcorn and enjoyed the Wedding immensly. I liked Princess Catherine's dress (is this how she is to be addressed now?) but it was kind of predictable. Well, I predicted long sleeves, tiny waist and a v-neck and I dreamt that she'd have a lot of lace and a long-ish train. My talents truly know no bounds.

Many people have commented that the dress looks very similar to Grace Kelly's wedding dress, but I also think it was reminiscent of Princess Margaret:

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I wont post any pictures, because God knows you've probably had enough of them today, but there is one image which I think deserves a WITW spotlight:

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The bridesmaid, not the kiss.

All in all a fairytale wedding. Not quite my cup of tea but it was lovely to see such a happy couple. And I did choke up a bit when Prince William told his bride at the alter that she looks beautiful.

The Royal Wedding Will Have Me in TEARS!

No. It is not enough that Catherine KATE Middleton gets to have her prince, a glass carriage, a tiara and everything else but she just HAD to nick MY tree idea! Ok, well I don't really have any fantasies of marrying a prince but I am sure many others do. But STILL - MY TREES! She couldn't leave me just one thing.

And to rub salt in my wounds, this is what I had to pay £5 of my good money for:

I'm so scared someone might see it and mistake me for someone who cares.

You can tell I'm annoyed because even her name is annoying me. Not every girl grows up to be a princess but that's ok because some girls (me) manage fine with a day job, bills and some sexy TREES - but wait, I forget, trees aren't sacred any more!

Hmph. I wasn't even fussed until I stumbled across pictures of MY trees attending HER wedding.

♥ Quote of the Week

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New Doctor Who Trailer (The Stuff of Nightmares)

I am so excited! Judging by the trailer I'm hoping that this next series will be scarier but I'll be happy either way!

This is the creature I find scariest:

Urgh....

Giving My Life a Makeover

Recently, something inside me just snapped. I realised that I am capable of so much but there I was, plodding along. I can be so much more but I don’t think I’ve been trying at all recently. It feels like all I do all I am is getting up, going to work, coming home, then sleep.

(I apologise if the last paragraph sounds really snotty and pretentious but I think that we all have the ability to go further and higher.)

So, lately, I have made a few changes.

The biggest change is that I will be leaving my current work place for a larger charity in a couple of weeks time. I am really sad to be leaving my wonderful team but also quietly excited about working for an organisation I have admired since childhood. Like I said, I really will miss my team/my friends but this is a change that I need. I need a fresh challenge. I need movement and I need space to grow.

Another big change I have made is that I am trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. I especially like this one as it is something I started to do without even realising. I’m happy with my body and size but I do realise that one day my bad diet will catch up with me. I have been walking home from work a few times a week (takes about two hours) and do a few sit ups here and there. I have even taken to lunching on rabbit food, as below:

Actually, I must admit it’s quite nice! It’s the Potato and Free Range Egg Side Salad from Waitrose. The salad cream sauce is delicious! I snack more on fresh and dried fruits and nuts and eat less chocolate and junk in general. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t forsaken my oil and grease entirely but small steps, right? I have also been hooked on Green Tea with honey, which has done wonders!

On the topic of green tea, my skin has been looking fabulous! I have implemented a skin routine which I follow almost to the letter. I had very vague routines before but now I am really seeing the benefits in actually listening to my skin and being very religious about it. It looks clearer and brighter but I do still get the odd hormonal break outs. I will do a separate post on my routine and some reviews.

The list is still quite short but I am pleased with the progress I have made so far. There are a few other things I am planning to do but planning doesn't holds as much weight as doing!

Here’s to striving for our goals and dreams, however big or small they may be!

♥ ♥ ♥

Cosmopolitan Launches in the Middle East?!

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I am surprised to hear that Cosmopolitan have launched a new edition of their magazine in the Middle East. These will be sold in Kuwait, Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Oman and Lebanon, as well as Bahrain and Saudi Arabia.

This is the magazine that screams ‘SEX’ louder than any other and the thought of it being sold in a Muslim region does not sit comfortably with me at all. It sells itself by talking very openly about sex with husbands, partners and strangers. Now, I don’t wish to come across as some bearded preacher but the Middle Eastern culture is so rich that I worry introductions of the Cosmopolitan and such will only pollute it. Sure, there needs to be change in these countries when it comes to gender equality but NOT through this magazine.

The women of the Middle East deserve equality and respect. They need real change such as access to education and jobs, financial and political rights. They don’t need images of super models in hip skimming dresses to show them what is beautiful; bedroom tips to tell them what they should be doing or the notion that they should be reading this magazine to be considered a fashionable, cosmopolitan female.

The Middle East has its faults, and many of them, but the one thing they have retained (to a degree) is their modesty and morality. This is why the Cosmopolitan magazine fits in so perfectly here in the West - because society is so broken already.

Go 'Shorty', Its Your Birthday

With Mother’s Day on the horizon, all the small card shops have crammed their shelves with cards with daffodils and soppy quotes on the front. Buying cards for men is always a difficult task but now it has been made near on impossible! They don’t even get a look in!

However...

We stumbled across this gem on our lunch breaks and I wanted to share it with you (sad) because I find it absolutely hilarious. The amount of time I have spent cackling over this card… unbelievable….

The back of the card is pretty cool too. It reads:

Be nice

Think happy thoughts

Champion silver linings

Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens)

& When you do love, love like

they do in power ballads

(you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair & your

eyes shut, knowing you'll never know another love like this)

Watch out for dogpoo

Smile at people - even grumpy ones

Be nice

(Oh, I already said that)

Remember that anything is possible

& Whatever you do

always try to

Look on

the bright side

(Should anyone be interested, we got it from Cards Galore. Its made by someone called Rachel Bright and the website on the back is http://www.reallygood.uk.com/.)

Now, Why Do People Think I'm Stupid?

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My colleague once asked me if I wanted a drink. I think he was pretty bored because when I replied ‘no’, instead of turning away he began to walk towards me.

'What are you up to then?' He looked at my monitor and saw what I was reading.

'YOU’RE reading the Financial Times???'

'Huh! James, I'm not stupid!' I replied, half offended, half pleased.

'Have I ever said anything of the sort?'

I thought back. ‘No…’

Silence.

'You probably just like the colour of the website.'

♥ Quote of the Week

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter".

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Optimistic To The Point of Foolishness?

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I have been cautioned about my optimistic nature. I have been warned that too much optimism will one day hurt me. I won't disagree because I know it has. But you know what? I'd rather live with a skip in my walk, a smile on my face and head in the clouds than the alternative.

Negativity? Its not for me, thanks.

I refuse to worry about things that might not happen. I don't want to sit around, wasting seconds, minutes and hours stressing over what ifs and what nots.

I know that things will turn out ok and if they don't, then I know that I am me and I can make things ok. I have all the tools I need to change the world: my heart, my head and my hands.

Life is beautiful and I want to keep it that way.

Good afternoon ♥

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Isn’t it a lovely day today? Ok, so it’s Monday but the sun is shining and Eastenders is back on tonight! (I just want to know what happens to Whitney!)

Anyway, I have been MIA for a bit now but I hope to delve back into the blogesphere soon. I have a few posts lined up - beauty and book reviews, Eurovision and a post on men’s fashion! Yeah, UNMISSABLE as I am sure you all agree. I am also a little behind on my Dashboard reading list so I will be catching up on those too.

Have a lovely day everyone!

♥ R xxx

♥ Quote of the Week

Source. Yes, I absolutely love this girl.

 "I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination."

-Blair Waldorf

♥ Quote of the Week

Japan 2011

The seventh largest earthquake in recorded history struck Japan on Friday. Not only did it cause a massive scale of destruction and loss of human life, it caused tsunamis in other countries too. Its difficult to comprehend just how catastrophic this earthquake was; In one case, 10,000 people are missing - in a Japanese town of 18,000. It truly is horrific.

If you haven't already, please donate whatever you can afford to give. You can do so on the Red Cross website here. Make sure you claim for Gift Aid if you are a UK taxpayer. It literally takes two minutes and most of us can spare a few pounds, if not more!

How To Survive A Dining Experience At Tayyabs

Source. Mmmmmm..

I don't write about food, I eat it, so no review here I'm afraid. HOWEVER, my lovely friend Ayeshah has reviewed Tayyabs on her blog, so feel free to hop over here. The award winning restuarant holds a cult status amongst food bloggers so there are plenty more reviews online, should you need convincing about how amazing the food is. They are based in London and serve traditional Pakistani Punjabi food, but none of the watered down imitiations certain other restuarants dish out (where you can't get chilli or salt for love nor money).

Although it is a lovely place to eat, you do need to arm yourself with the tips below before you even consider making a visit. You can thank me later. Especially for Tip 6. Trrrrust me. 

1. Book your table in advance. You can do this online. Call on the day to confirm your booking to avoid any reservation disasters that are mentioned in some reviews. 
2. Take a sodoku with you if you turn up without a booking during peak times (evenings, weekends). You'll need it for the queue.
3. If possible, ask to be seated downstairs. It is darker, has better furnishings and some of the tables are not as crammed together. Note; the lower floor is only open in the evenings.
4. Be prepared for a lot of noise and people, especially if you are seated upstairs during peak times.
5. Be nice to the person serving you. They might be a bit short and abrupt with you due to rush of customers but they generally respond well to smiles and compliments. Err.. d♥n't flirt. Well, don't flirt unless the restaurant is empty enough for you to reap the rewards of your efforts - if the waiter wants to bring you an extra pot of sauce, a wad of tissue, a cleaner knife, who are you to refuse?

And finally... the mother of all tips:  

6. Take a bottle of Febreeze with you for when you leave. Seriously. Douse yourself in the stuff for the journey home so as not to suffocate any unsuspecting passer bys. We were accosted by a sales lady in Amani (a sari shop nearby) with a can of air freshener and an almighty dirty look. Our feelings were summed up by one in our party - 'Nahhh. That's deep'.

The Cruel, Harsh Reality

Definition of Pathetic:
Arousing pity, sympathy, or compassion; Arousing scornful pity or contempt, often due to miserable inadequacy
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/pathetic

I cannot for the life of me look after a house plant! I grew up on Garden Force - Water features, slabs, Tommy and his wheelbarrow! I really am quite disappointed and feel like I have let myself down... but when I am presented with the evidence below, I have to take it like a man. Slap me with a restraining order - for the sake of the plants!

Exhibit A: My Poinsettia

What a Poinsettia should look like:

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What my Poinsettia looks like:

Even the snowflake is sad.

♥ Quote of the Week

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The 11th Reason Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me

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11. Edward tries to pimp Bella out (ref: Breaking Dawn)
  

See '10 Reasons Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me' here

The World Has Gone Mad

Police

In the run up to the annual TUC demonstrations, the Met have decided to change tact and implement a slightly more 'polite' policing for the event. They will provide water and access to toilet facilities to those who are ‘kettled.’ Furthermore, they will allow peaceful protestors and innocent passersbys to get past without being battered to death. Ian Tomlinson! He should have waited another two years before he decided to aggravate the police by innocently walking home from work.

iPad

The new iPad is released today. One word: Don’t.

The difference between the new iPad and the down right ancient one (released just months ago) is that the new model features a camera. A CAM-E-RA, I tell you. These days you can’t buy a washing machine that doesn’t come with a camera; it’s a standard feature! Apple are milking the hype they generate by purposely holding back so they can continue to release more versions – and lo and behold, the junkies will prove that they never waver in their resolve to hand over their cash for the same thing REPACKAGED.

Anyway, there are rumours circulating that a newer new model will be out in September.

September 2011.

Tony Blair

It has been revealed that my favourite ex-Prime Minister has been making secret phone calls to Gaddafi. Its not as illicit as it sounds but I find it really funny just trying to imagine how the transcripts read. Blair would be ever the diplomat, annoyingly calm and stumbling over words at times and Gaddafi would be labelling everyone but his mother a druggie, a rat or a cockroach.

The Hunger Games (No Spoilers)

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If you're sick to the back teeth of Edward Cullen and you've read the Harry Potter books fifty times over (each) only to realise that they will never ever have anything new to offer, you'll LOVE the Hunger Games trilogy. I've just finished the last book in the series and I felt compelled to post this up as soon as possible. This isn't a review, more of a 'you NEED to read these books!' post.

The first book is set in post apocalyptic times, in a country called Panem and is told from the point of view of Katniss Everdeen. She is young, cold and calculating but also compassionate and very likable - a proper heroine, AT long LAST! (cough, Bella Swan). She lives in a time of hardship and want; her people are oppressed by the government based in Capitol and are worked like slaves.

There are 13 Districts in the country and each are forced to contribute to the upkeep of the Capitol in terms of food, fuel and servants. As a result, the people of the Capitol live in luxury and ignorance while people of the Districts live and die like cattle.

The Districts also provide the Capitol with entertainment in the form of the annual Hunger Games. Two children are picked by lottery from each District and are put in an arena until one survives and is crowned the victor. Participation is mandatory and no child is exempt. The best way I can describe the Games is like a Big Brother seires set in a booby-trapped environment where all the contestants are young children who must fight to the death. The Producers have no morals and the audience celebrate every death, with no remorse or reflection on the loss of lives. Districts are forced to gather to watch their children get slaughtered while they cheer on. Protests, dissent and calls for change doesn't get your friends and family killed - it gets your entire District annihilated.

Seriously, seriously give these a read. Its really ones of those books that will keep you hooked until the very last word. Every page has a surprise and every chapter reveals a twist that no-one, NO ONE, can predict. Stephen King said of the book 'Constant suspense... I couldn't stop reading.' The social commentary in these books are staggering and thought provoking. Its touches on greed, consumption, entertainment, celebrity and power.

If you're not convinced you can read Chapters 1 and 2 for free here.

If you want to buy the book you can do so here (Amazon).

10 Reasons Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me

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I used to be a crazy obsessed Twilight fan. Fair enough, not as mad as those who tattoo themselves with Pattinson's face, sleep between Twilight bed sheets and actually believe that sparkly vampires exist. And they're just the mums.

So why have I gone from Cullen obsessed fan girl to someone who'd rather lose both her legs than read one of those books again?

1. I. GREW. UP.

2. Edward Cullen is so annoyingly boring and obsessive. Initially, I thought he was unbelievably romantic, thoughtful and devoted... Now I think if I was Bella, I'd sit Edward down and introduce him to something called "boundaries"! No climbing in through my window at night to watch me sleep, no breaking MY car, no telling me who I can and can't see, no force feeding and no asking me stupid questions!

3. Bella is so irritating. Why does she put up with all the above? She's not likable in the least, a bit of a perv and seems to have no ambition other than to give up her soul just so she can feel as pretty as her glittery vampire boyfriend.

4. Edward left Bella in New Moon. She's left heartbroken, hurting and a bit mentally unwell but she goes to save Edward's non-life towards the end of the book. I'm fine with that. What I'm NOT ok with is when she TAKES HIM BACK no questions asked. Dude, he left you? I don't care if it drove him to near suicide HE LEFT YOU then had the CHEEK to get all jealous when you decide you actually kinda like Jacob.

5. Bella needs to grow a pair. See above. What would have been great is if Bella got with Jacob as Edward watched on, pining from the side lines.

6. Bella is self obsessed and patronising. She thinks everyone at school is beneath her and OH she is prepared to give up her PARENTS for a walking talking corpse she has barely known for a few months.

7. Is Edward hungry for ALL her blood? Like, is he banned from her house at certain times of the month? Gross. I bet it makes his mouth water. He's a vampire, so I don't think he cares which orifice it comes out of. EW.

8. The fight that never was in Breaking Dawn. That was the biggest, most disappointing anti-climax I have ever had the misfortune to read.

9. It’s not the best piece of literature I have read. Sorry, but there really should have been someone to proof read the thing at least.

10. Some people claim that author Stephenie Meyer based the character Bella on herself. I don't know if this is true or not but it’s in my head and I can't help it. It’s quite disconcerting to think that she thanks her husband and kids in the book, and then hurries off to her room to write more about a sexually frustrated vampire who falls in love with a character who looks remarkably like herself...

Riiight...

Why Do People Boo Jedward?

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I thought I'd post this up quick, while everyone is still in the mood for hugging pink bunnies and blowing kisses to strangers.

Jedward. I adore them, I love them, they entertain and fascinate me. To me, they are living proof that dreams do come true. Although they have legions of jedicated fans, I am aware that many people don't like them - obvious by the vile and vitriol written about them and how people scoff when their names are mentioned. Oh and of course: the booing.

On Friday night, Jedward were announced the winners of Ireland's Eurosong on the Late Late Show - the contest which decides Ireland's act for the Eurovision song contest in May. I could not help but be affected by Jedward's jubilation. They jumped and shouted and hi-fived, as expected, but clearly not everyone was as thrilled.

Soon after the results, presenter Ryan Tubridy turned to the audience to ask those booing to 'show a little respect. They won fair and square. Give them their moment of happiness. You might not agree with the results but have respect for all those involved; their families, singers and song writers'.

It was at that moment I realised just how juvenile those people were. We didn't get to see them but they sounded like fully grown men.

What leads grown adults in to showing that level of hostility to two young kids? To go out of their way to publicly be malicious to two boys who have never been anything but sweet and respectful to their family, fans and even their critics. What crimes Jedward must have committed do deserve such ugly reactions.

The only thing Jedward are 'guilty' of is entering a talent competition because they believed in themselves. They had a dream, got off their backsides and did something about it. That's their 'crime'.

It was the judges and the public who voted to keep them in the X Factor. The public bought their single, their album and tickets to their sold outs tours. Anyone would chomp at the bit to have the opportunities that they are enjoying. Why would they, or should they stop doing what they love just because a few people don't like them?

I'm not asking anyone to love them or their work. If fans love and support them, then that's up to them. However if others dislike them then they are fully entitled to not buy their singles, to avert their eyes, switch off the radio/TV and to not read about them. There’s no need for booing or verbal abuse.

It’s so simple. It’s black and white.

I'm really very bewildered, aghast at what I heard on the show and disappointed - disappointed, because some people think its okay to be horrible to others because they're not to their taste. Really? Is this really who we've become?

They're human beings. They're people with hopes and aspirations, the same as the rest of us.

These harmless boys, and anyone else who is trying to follow their dreams, should be earning our encouragement and support. They had the guts to introduce themselves to the world at the risk of facing rejection. Most of us couldn't do that.

My advice: if you really must boo, save it for people who actually deserve them.

PS; Congratulations to Ireland on its selection process. It was open, fun and fair. They had judges, panels and a public vote. The UK, in stark contrast, had no voting, no panel and it was all done in private. The BBC decided we could do away with democracy and just appointed Blue for the job.

Reflections on the Dutty Wine

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As a relatively sheltered Asian girl my idea of strenuous dancing was always the macarena. Until, that is, I discovered the Dutty Wine...

I felt like I was witnessing an exorcism.

Wikipedia describes it as a 'head dance' - this is so much of an understatement it is almost a LIE. It involves a specimen of the female sex rolling her body provocatively whilst very, very violently swinging her head in a circular motion. In the words of Tony Matterhorn (a Jamaican artist - I've done the research) they 'wheel the neck!'. Oh, and the dancers are usually clothed (?) in a string bikini and a cheese cutter denim cut offs. So: bum up, elbows out and head like a propeller, about to take off.

What intrigues me is that people have actually died from partaking in this leisurely activity - doctors have repeatedly issued warnings against 'throwing your body in extreme positions' and yet it remains ever popular. I don't understand why (and I don't think I ever will), but I do suspect that male attention plays a significant part in why women feel the need to move like feral chicken.

My Little Secret.

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Radio 4.

I tune in to the Today programme as I get dressed for work, get in to bed at night listening to the 'Book At Bedtime', the ever relaxing 'Sailing By' and then fall asleep listening to the Shipping Forecast.

There. I've said it.

And today I am in mourning for what is to come. I knew the day would eventually arrive - the day when the station is told to get young black northerners listening in.

Now, there's nothing wrong with inviting the young and the ethnic (oooh, me! Hello). I'm just worried they'll do something stupid like replace the pips with a 'beat' or something reprehensible like ditch the anthem because it is 'jingoistic'. My. Back. Side. I’m not overly patriotic but I don’t like change. Not when it comes to my beloved Radio 4.

My soul is still aching from when they stopped playing the UK Theme and that was all the way back in 2006. Actually, I'm being perfectly serious.

Now, to my problem... While I do want the station to remain as it is - that is the English uncle I never had - I need it to reach new listeners. Because, to put it bluntly, most of their current listeners will be dead in a few years they're that old and where will that leave me?

So it is with a heavy heart I guess that I concede that I SUPPOSE Radio 4 must do what they must; pimp themselves out. Get themselves a wonderbra-esque lift of some sort. Perhaps they can get Tinie Tempah to do a few jingles or install Cheryl Cole as a new announcer... Oh I don't know. I won't pretend to understand the yoof these days - I listen to Radio 4.

There Should Be Plays Written About This Couple.

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I spent an hour of my working day yesterday watching an amazing documentary on BBC iPlayer called ‘Do We Really Need the Moon?’ It was on in the background and I was definitely, definitely working.

Anyway, I would like to share with you what I have learnt in the form of a modern day love story.*

It all began billions of years ago when our heroine, Earth, was just a lonely ball just hangin', waiting for her prince. One day a drunken planet slammed into her and sent some of her essence (liquid rock) into space. That hot stuff then twirled into a ball and went into orbit around our planet - and that is how the Moon was born! She was up the previous night crying and wishing on shooting stars ♥ and her dreams came true! Hundreds of millions of years later, she got a bit broody which made her habitable and that's when we were born!

Now, why do some people call Moon Earth's protector? It takes 29 days for Moon to turn once and it takes 29 days for Earth to turn once the opposite way therefore we only ever see one side of Moon. Apparently, the side we never see - the dark side - is covered with massive craters. Guess why? No, guess! Because he’s been hit by many asteroids which would have otherwise collided with Earth. Taking bullets for your loved one is so romantic! ♥ ♥

Not only is Moon Earth’s protector, he is also her anchor. Moon's gravity and Earth's gravity balance out so that she isn't spinning out of control. Basically Moon is the 'voice' of reason to Earth who is pulling off her rings, getting ready for a fight or when she is holding a razor to her veins and he pulls her back from the brink. Sadly, this is as physical as it gets between them.  

If Moon shuffles any closer the gravity imbalance will cause Earth to spin out of control, send the oceans flying and ice caps melting. Basically, a lot of people will DIE and Earth is our loyal mother and does not want this. But Moon says he is okay with this because he is not after the sex.

♥ ♥ If you are still fresh faced and young and believe in White Knights and Prince Charmings, then this is where the story ends for you. They have a big white wedding, the whole shebang and live happily ever after. ♥ ♥

However, if you are over the age of 12, read on.

--- But Moon says he is okay with this because he is not after the sex.

Well.

That's what he wants you to believe.

Right from the beginning, Moon has been moving steadily away from the Earth. He takes a 3.5cm step back every year so we are still quite a few billions years away from an inter galactic bust up but STILL. He can’t abandon Earth because he is a bit BORED or because he thinks he can do better. We all know Moon saw a vulnerable, overweight planet with a wobbly disposition and thought he'd take advantage! The little &*£!?$

One day there will be a big ol’ rough n tumble; Earth with her stale make up tears, vomiting down a black hole while Venus holds back her hair, Uranus all up in Moon’s face with his stench; Saturn with his guns and moon girls and Pluto the Non Planet looking on from the back, holding everyone's coats.

For now though Earth is still loved up and unaware; still burping when Moon isn't looking, still sucking in her hemispheres, so let's not break her heart. But we all know how this will end – Earth booty shakin’ to Independent Women and sworn off men… until another wastemoon comes along.

*My re-enactment may or may not be 100% scientifically accurate.

Mr Ryan Giggs

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I realise this is a football related post. I do. I am not going to pretend I am some sort of pundit and I really don’t know much about it at the moment. Sure, when I’m bored or there’s a big event on (namely the World Cup) I do read up on it and can usually out-swot the most avid of [usually male] fans – ha!

Anyway, a tribute to Ryan Giggs, who today was voted Manchester United’s greatest player by its fans. I’m a fan and I would have voted him too. (If only he had played for England).

Also, growing up I watched a lot of Paul Scholes and Peter Schmichael so I am very glad they made the top ten. I know, my nostalgia is not a premise for recognition but they made it to the top regardless.

Man Utd v Aston Villa tonight! We have been a bit shaky recently but I’m confident we’ll perform well. I do hope it isn’t a repeat of last November (!) but I’m sure it will be an interesting match nevertheless.

To balance out the testerone in this post, here's something pretty to look at:

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Yes I am a Man U fan. Since I was 10, may I hasten to add, so don’t type the words ‘glory hunter’ because they do not apply.

Re: You

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 ♥

The time to chase your dreams is now.

Take that step. Make a plan. Realise it.

Why are you making do? You deserve better. Why? Because you are a beautiful person with the most amazing dreams. The world needs you to set it alight. Your future is waiting. It’s so bright and so eager to greet you – waiting for you to take that first step towards your dreams.

Take baby steps. The path in front of you will be a battleground but you will be a better, better person for it. It will be an adventure. People will stand in your way and some things will hold you back but they are nothing more than road blocks. Re-route.

Be the person you want to be. Envisage your life, envisage what you are working towards, and let that guide you. Be proud of your past because that is what made you the person you are now and the person you will be tomorrow.

Open your heart, embrace life and always keep sight of where you are going.

You have all my best wishes. Chase that dream and do it now. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

♥

How To Write A Marriage CV - For Asian Men

Source

The task of writing a marriage CV for a man is a bit more straightforward. There are only so many tips I can dispense for the men and it is for this reason I will not be posting a Part 2, as I did for the Asian Female post.

The list below covers all ground but if none of them apply to you, don’t worry someone will take pity find you funny.

♥ If you have a British passport then this will be the only piece of information you will need to provide - after the usual name and age. Trust me, illegal immigrants and divorcees will be queuing up for the hot piece that is you.

♥ If you are a British citizen and also have a healthy income, make sure you write that. Underline it if you need to because you will probably be eligible for a moderately fussy model type somewhere. Bingo.

♥ On top of being British and quite wealthy, if you also have your own property then it is my grim duty to inform you that you must physically barricade yourself in a safe house somewhere. Don't tell anyone where you are. The world and its Asian aunts are going to be after you. You probably already have several tracking devices on your person. Run.

On the plus side, this means you can have your pick. No CV required. When you're ready click your fingers, and your future in law's will be sitting around your table, feeding you sweet meats and sweet words, grateful that you have appointed their daughter your chosen one.

To the observant: you may have noticed that I have not once mentioned a man's looks. Understand this: he does not need to be good looking. Of course it will always be a bonus but you could look [and dress] like the man pictured above and still nab yourself a beauty. When If the daughter does not find you attractive, fear not, because the parents probably will. And we all know whose opinion it is that matters.

So, chin up men. You could be as goodlooking as a baboon in heat * but with a little bit of marketing and spin (swish suit, fake passport) you will be guaranteed a wife within the year.

* Don't do it. Don't click.

How To Write A Marriage CV - For Asian Females (Part 2)

Source. This lady has taken the initiative to change things round a bit and use a prop. But she is far too dark. The pose is perfect but she should put on some thick socks and stop smiling. This is not a catalogue shoot.

Photo - do's and don'ts

DO wear an Asian suit that is youthful and 'in' but nothing too fashionable or glitzy. You want to come across as homely and 'decent' not gaudy, 'western' or, God forbid, too outgoing.

DON'T pose with food - you don't want to seem glutinous or greedy.

DO make sure the setting/background is clean. This will give off the impression that you are daughter-in-law material.

DON'T pose in a car (too outgoing - see rule 1.)

DO pose next to flowers (fake if possible) or some sort of shrubbery. It will make you look like such a sweet girl.

DON'T pose with men - fathers, brothers, boyfriends - nope. No men.

DO hold a baby in the photograph. Show them that you are wife/mother material. This will not work if baby is seen to be crying or worse, looking at you in fear.

DON'T pose with other women or girls unless: they are under 16; larger than you; shorter than you; can be mistaken for a man; is a baby.

DO stand in front of a window to give illusion of being whiter than white - this will allow people to think you are fair and therefore very beautiful and good enough for their son. Anything they find out about you which is not in your favour (e.g.; 3 arms, one eye, another husband) will hence forth be overlooked.

DON'T smile too much or too wide. This gives out the signal that you are naïve or dumb.

Next up in this series, tips for all the lonely lovely men out there, so keep checking back!

♥