Tuesday, 25 January 2011

How To Write A Marriage CV - For Asian Men

Source
The task of writing a marriage CV for a man is a bit more straightforward. There are only so many tips I can dispense for the men and it is for this reason I will not be posting a Part 2, as I did for the Asian Female post.

The list below covers all ground but if none of them apply to you, don’t worry someone will take pity find you funny.

♥ If you have a British passport then this will be the only piece of information you will need to provide - after the usual name and age. Trust me, illegal immigrants and divorcees will be queuing up for the hot piece that is you.

♥ If you are a British citizen and also have a healthy income, make sure you write that. Underline it if you need to because you will probably be eligible for a moderately fussy model type somewhere. Bingo.

♥ On top of being British and quite wealthy, if you also have your own property then it is my grim duty to inform you that you must physically barricade yourself in a safe house somewhere. Don't tell anyone where you are. The world and its Asian aunts are going to be after you. You probably already have several tracking devices on your person. Run.

On the plus side, this means you can have your pick. No CV required. When you're ready click your fingers, and your future in law's will be sitting around your table, feeding you sweet meats and sweet words, grateful that you have appointed their daughter your chosen one.

To the observant: you may have noticed that I have not once mentioned a man's looks. Understand this: he does not need to be good looking. Of course it will always be a bonus but you could look [and dress] like the man pictured above and still nab yourself a beauty. When If the daughter does not find you attractive, fear not, because the parents probably will. And we all know whose opinion it is that matters.

So, chin up men. You could be as goodlooking as a baboon in heat * but with a little bit of marketing and spin (swish suit, fake passport) you will be guaranteed a wife within the year.

* Don't do it. Don't click.

9 comments:

  1. Not the photo, I hope!

    Yeah, I'm quite happy with it. While it might not be 100% accurate, some bits are true... Sad!

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  2. Lol I love this. Especially the picture - what's his number? lol.

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  3. Aysh, I feel sick. Dont say those kinda things. No offence to the guy but dressing up in granny drag doesnt help.

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  4. I roared with laughter, read the small print, disobeyed, then puked in my mouth. Ick. ew. xxxxxxx

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  5. ahh your so funny lmao! find me a man like in the pic!



    not.

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  6. I've been reading your blog recently and I've got to say you write the funniest things! you know how to be hilarious to the T and this post is the best out of all of them! what you said is so true it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you have a red passport and a healthy bank balance you're in there! guys have it WAY too easy...but anyway you have a wonderful way with words m'A and I will be reading all your post from now on!

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  7. SHAMIYA! Aww thank you so much! You have NO idea how much this has made my day!!!! I'm glad you like my blog :-))))) (biggest smile on my face!) Yep, I hate this inequality when it comes to marriage... Ohhh, us girls have to prime and prep ourselves, our cooking, our cleaning, our weight... whereas with guys, nobody gives a HOOT! I want to see THEM wax the sensitive bits, stand over a curry and go through the torment of curling their lashes. OH and give birth lol

    Aww thank you xxxxxx

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  8. HAHA! there's no way THEY could do any of those things and let alone all at the same time cos they're so incapable of multi-tasking as well! *sighs* what us gals have to put up with eh?

    Aww I'm glad my comment made your day hun, you have a wonderful style of writing, and you know how to inject humour into the right places...if you're not doing this already, you should consider journalism...you're really cut out for it! and if you're on a plan for a different career then apologies in advance! =] are you on twitter? let me know your username if you are, I'm sure your tweets will be as equally hilarious as your posts are! (mine's @Shimi021 if you're wondering lol) look forward to reading your upcoming posts! x

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