Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Re: You

The time to chase your dreams is now.

Take that step. Make a plan. Realise it.

Why are you making do? You deserve better. Why? Because you are a beautiful person with the most amazing dreams. The world needs you to set it alight. Your future is waiting. It’s so bright and so eager to greet you – waiting for you to take that first step towards your dreams.

Take baby steps. The path in front of you will be a battleground but you will be a better, better person for it. It will be an adventure. People will stand in your way and some things will hold you back but they are nothing more than road blocks. Re-route.

Be the person you want to be. Envisage your life, envisage what you are working towards, and let that guide you. Be proud of your past because that is what made you the person you are now and the person you will be tomorrow.

Open your heart, embrace life and always keep sight of where you are going.

You have all my best wishes. Chase that dream and do it now. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

How To Write A Marriage CV - For Asian Men

The task of writing a marriage CV for a man is a bit more straightforward. There are only so many tips I can dispense for the men and it is for this reason I will not be posting a Part 2, as I did for the Asian Female post.

The list below covers all ground but if none of them apply to you, don’t worry someone will take pity find you funny.

♥ If you have a British passport then this will be the only piece of information you will need to provide - after the usual name and age. Trust me, illegal immigrants and divorcees will be queuing up for the hot piece that is you.

♥ If you are a British citizen and also have a healthy income, make sure you write that. Underline it if you need to because you will probably be eligible for a moderately fussy model type somewhere. Bingo.

♥ On top of being British and quite wealthy, if you also have your own property then it is my grim duty to inform you that you must physically barricade yourself in a safe house somewhere. Don't tell anyone where you are. The world and its Asian aunts are going to be after you. You probably already have several tracking devices on your person. Run.

On the plus side, this means you can have your pick. No CV required. When you're ready click your fingers, and your future in law's will be sitting around your table, feeding you sweet meats and sweet words, grateful that you have appointed their daughter your chosen one.

To the observant: you may have noticed that I have not once mentioned a man's looks. Understand this: he does not need to be good looking. Of course it will always be a bonus but you could look [and dress] like the man pictured above and still nab yourself a beauty. When If the daughter does not find you attractive, fear not, because the parents probably will. And we all know whose opinion it is that matters.

So, chin up men. You could be as goodlooking as a baboon in heat * but with a little bit of marketing and spin (swish suit, fake passport) you will be guaranteed a wife within the year.

* Don't do it. Don't click.

How To Write A Marriage CV - For Asian Females (Part 2)

Source. This lady has taken the initiative to change things round a bit and use a prop. But she is far too dark. The pose is perfect but she should put on some thick socks and stop smiling. This is not a catalogue shoot.
Photo - do's and don'ts

DO wear an Asian suit that is youthful and 'in' but nothing too fashionable or glitzy. You want to come across as homely and 'decent' not gaudy, 'western' or, God forbid, too outgoing.

DON'T pose with food - you don't want to seem glutinous or greedy.

DO make sure the setting/background is clean. This will give off the impression that you are daughter-in-law material.

DON'T pose in a car (too outgoing - see rule 1.)

DO pose next to flowers (fake if possible) or some sort of shrubbery. It will make you look like such a sweet girl.

DON'T pose with men - fathers, brothers, boyfriends - nope. No men.

DO hold a baby in the photograph. Show them that you are wife/mother material. This will not work if baby is seen to be crying or worse, looking at you in fear.

DON'T pose with other women or girls unless: they are under 16; larger than you; shorter than you; can be mistaken for a man; is a baby.

DO stand in front of a window to give illusion of being whiter than white - this will allow people to think you are fair and therefore very beautiful and good enough for their son. Anything they find out about you which is not in your favour (e.g.; 3 arms, one eye, another husband) will hence forth be overlooked.

DON'T smile too much or too wide. This gives out the signal that you are naïve or dumb.

Next up in this series, tips for all the lonely lovely men out there, so keep checking back!

Sunday, 23 January 2011

How To Write A Marriage CV - For Asian Females (Part 1)

What is a 'marriage CV' I hear you ask? Well, it is literally a CV your family would use to find you a spouse.

The method of exchanging CVs is prevalent within the Asian community because of arranged marriages. They are collected by the prospective bride's family (she never gives hers out first) and if she likes the look of one her information is provided in return. If there is mutual [CV] attraction then the couple and families take a step forward.

Information provided on this document is everything you will need to make a formal introduction: general details, job, education and family background. A photograph is also required.

Yes, it is a bit odd but on the plus side sifting out and rejecting the 'over my dead body' pile is made a whole lot easier. How? Because your parents do the rejecting for you.

Also, arranging your marriage proposals in alphabetical order has never been easier!

Now, I don't have a CV. I have, however, handled a few and know quite well what most families look for. Below I will attempt to list a few tips to help you compose your very own marriage CV!!!

Of course, if you have any suggestions to add to the lists below feel free to share them by leaving a comment.

CV - do's and don'ts 

DO list your age if you are under 21.

DON'T list your age if you are over 21. Doctor your birth certificate and tell everyone you are 18.

DO list your job title. However if you are a heart surgeon/rocket scientist/anything similar it will bring out your potential spouse's inferiority complex. Keep it simple - Just them you're a supermarket cashier.  

DON'T write more than a page. You're a girl. The main things they need to know is your name, ability to cook and clean and whether you have child bearing hips or not.

DO list your qualifications. Although if you have a Masters or a PhD it might be best to leave those out. See the above point for more information. Also, they probably don't want someone too 'smart'.

DON'T list 'going to the gym' as one of your hobbies unless you like the sweet feeling of rejection. Asians like 'meaty' girls. Besides, no sari is complete without a healthy muffin top.

DO keep it short and sweet. To be frank, they won't get round to reading your CV unless they like the look of your photo.

However, rest assured. I will be posting tips in the next few days on how to get that perfect portrait to go with the masterpeice you have just created

Friday, 21 January 2011

Actually, Dubai is Pretty Ugly

Source: afp/ getty images
Begin by watching this 3 minute video from the BBC website.

"Two hundred years ago people who controlled workers used whips to enslave them. Today they use immigrations law"

Aiden McQuade
Director, Anti-Slavery International

"Whether they live or die, no one cares"

John  Simpson
BBC World Affairs Editor

These are not quotes about a far off mythical land for which we do not need to worry. These are not quotes describing the misfortune of those living in a third world dictatorship. They are in fact referring to the slavery rife in everyone's favourite city - Dubai.

It may be described as the jewel of the Middle East because of its glittering skyline and awe inspiring buildings but some see it as a stain on humanity. The modern day slavery and refusal to acknowledge, let alone address this issue, in my mind, kind of outweighs their architectural advancements.

According to the Constitution of the UAE, all people in Dubai regardless of race, nationality, religion and class are entitled to equal treatment. Tell that to the impoverished workers who are forced to work all hours of the day with little or no pay; forced to live in squalid, overcrowded rooms; forced to be cattled to work in carts and back; lured into this land of opportunity with offers of decent wages and flights home. What ensues is quite the opposite – gangmasters confiscate passports and all legal papers, so that the workers literally have no way out. The workers, who are mainly from the Indian subcontinent, live in labour camps away from the bright lights and luxury.

Labour camps. Labour camps – It may not be government policy but how can the authorities not know about labour camps? It would have been quite a different story were there not tens of thousands of forced labourers working in their midst, building their magnificent towers, doing the jobs no one wants. Most have little or no rights. They are treated with no respect and their dignity was left somewhere on the plane when they landed. 

I am not a journalist – nowhere near. But it is my passion for human rights and speaking out against injustice which has led me to write this up. I feel as though the common attitude towards Dubai is that it is the land of dreams and luxury – anything else is the price that has to be paid for that level of advancement. That should not be the case.

Each human being is worth the same. We all have dreams and aspirations. We all feel love and hurt. We all feel like a failure when we cannot fulfil our potential, when we cannot provide, when we cannot achieve. I am living in my selfish world, with my rights and freedom yet I still like to complain about my life and job. It is nowhere near to how bad these people have it. They are human. They have families. They have hopes. Up until a few years ago they were not even allowed trade unions to even begin to represent their plight.

These people are just that – people. They are human beings. They are not cattle and this is not the 19th century. The world is well aware of what happened during the African slave trade. We all studied the horrors in our history classes. We know this is wrong. Yet most people list Dubai as one of the places they would most love to visit. Their tourism industry is thriving. The celebrities are setting up second homes and companies are lining up to invest (hence support) this tyrannical state. Why?

Why are these labourers worth less than anyone else on this earth? Why do people like to ignore the ugly truth and focus on the big hotels? How can we bathe in the Dubai sun when we know the secrets the shadows of the city hold?

I don’t want to sound like a sanctimonious cow but I want to do as much as I can to make people aware. The authority in Dubai need to be told, shown, that what is happening in their country is unacceptable. They need to tackle this problem head on and eradicate all forced labour or get used to not living off the revenue generated by tourism.

Don't be a part of this. Don't give them your money. Don't give them your support.

For more information:
The Dark Side of Dubai (The Independent)
Dubai (Wikipedia)

Monday, 17 January 2011

And so it begins…

…the sporadic blogging of a loquacious twenty-something.

Meet the girl who dreams of saving the world (complete with the ‘I Am The Doctor’ theme); the girl who could has sat for hours on Wikipedia researching disused underground stations; the girl who really, actually knows the differences between a clementine and a tangerine; the girl who thinks the only celebrities worth screaming for are Jedward.

Now that you are sufficiently intrigued I will proceed to tell you why you should continue reading my blog. If you enjoy reading badly written (bordering average) posts peppered with grammatical errors and Doctor Who references you’ll love Well, isn’t that wizard? I would go as far as to say get yourself some headwear. Borrow if you have to (borrow a fez, fezzes are cool♥) because you, my friend, will need to

hold on to your hat!

Sit tight and brace yourself for the onslaught of awesomeness coming your way!