The Royal Honeymoon

Well, we don't yet know where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are going for their honeymoon. To be honest I am not interested - its their private time, they're married and they shouldn't have to face half the world's media to get that privacy. But, it is interesting that the Daily Mail is reporting that their honeymoon location is somewhere in the Indian Ocean and is 'very Robinson Crusoe-like'. £4000 a night. Right. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

I'm left wondering if Kate Middleton has been rummaging through my wedding scrap book (I don't have one... Really) but there have been one too many coincidences if this honeymoon rumour is true.

This is 

This was

This is one of MY ideal holiday destinations... picture me stomping my feet!

Soneva Gili by Six Senses, Maldives (Crusoe Residences)

The award winning resort really is paradise on earth. A whole villa to yourself, a private butler, cook and transport to the main island whenever you request it. The entire resort prides itself on its commitment to eco issues (it was built using locally sourced wood) and they have a 'no news no shoes policy' (yes, they confiscate your shoes upon arrival). Jump off your villa whenever you fancy a swim or sleep under the stars on your outdoor bed. Request your own private picnic on one of the two small private desert islands nearby or go for a sunset boat ride with dolphins and sea turtles. Oh and HALAL FOOD. (All this info from memory - I impress myself sometimes).

Pretty much perfect.

I really sound like a snob but I don't care about the butlers and all the other small luxuries they throw in. I love this place so much for their philosophy and also how REMOTE it is. It truly is the perfect desert island.

Now, Why Do People Think I'm Stupid?

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My colleague once asked me if I wanted a drink. I think he was pretty bored because when I replied ‘no’, instead of turning away he began to walk towards me.

'What are you up to then?' He looked at my monitor and saw what I was reading.

'YOU’RE reading the Financial Times???'

'Huh! James, I'm not stupid!' I replied, half offended, half pleased.

'Have I ever said anything of the sort?'

I thought back. ‘No…’

Silence.

'You probably just like the colour of the website.'

The 11th Reason Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me

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11. Edward tries to pimp Bella out (ref: Breaking Dawn)
  

See '10 Reasons Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me' here

The World Has Gone Mad

Police

In the run up to the annual TUC demonstrations, the Met have decided to change tact and implement a slightly more 'polite' policing for the event. They will provide water and access to toilet facilities to those who are ‘kettled.’ Furthermore, they will allow peaceful protestors and innocent passersbys to get past without being battered to death. Ian Tomlinson! He should have waited another two years before he decided to aggravate the police by innocently walking home from work.

iPad

The new iPad is released today. One word: Don’t.

The difference between the new iPad and the down right ancient one (released just months ago) is that the new model features a camera. A CAM-E-RA, I tell you. These days you can’t buy a washing machine that doesn’t come with a camera; it’s a standard feature! Apple are milking the hype they generate by purposely holding back so they can continue to release more versions – and lo and behold, the junkies will prove that they never waver in their resolve to hand over their cash for the same thing REPACKAGED.

Anyway, there are rumours circulating that a newer new model will be out in September.

September 2011.

Tony Blair

It has been revealed that my favourite ex-Prime Minister has been making secret phone calls to Gaddafi. Its not as illicit as it sounds but I find it really funny just trying to imagine how the transcripts read. Blair would be ever the diplomat, annoyingly calm and stumbling over words at times and Gaddafi would be labelling everyone but his mother a druggie, a rat or a cockroach.

Reflections on the Dutty Wine

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As a relatively sheltered Asian girl my idea of strenuous dancing was always the macarena. Until, that is, I discovered the Dutty Wine...

I felt like I was witnessing an exorcism.

Wikipedia describes it as a 'head dance' - this is so much of an understatement it is almost a LIE. It involves a specimen of the female sex rolling her body provocatively whilst very, very violently swinging her head in a circular motion. In the words of Tony Matterhorn (a Jamaican artist - I've done the research) they 'wheel the neck!'. Oh, and the dancers are usually clothed (?) in a string bikini and a cheese cutter denim cut offs. So: bum up, elbows out and head like a propeller, about to take off.

What intrigues me is that people have actually died from partaking in this leisurely activity - doctors have repeatedly issued warnings against 'throwing your body in extreme positions' and yet it remains ever popular. I don't understand why (and I don't think I ever will), but I do suspect that male attention plays a significant part in why women feel the need to move like feral chicken.