The Royal Honeymoon

Well, we don't yet know where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are going for their honeymoon. To be honest I am not interested - its their private time, they're married and they shouldn't have to face half the world's media to get that privacy. But, it is interesting that the Daily Mail is reporting that their honeymoon location is somewhere in the Indian Ocean and is 'very Robinson Crusoe-like'. £4000 a night. Right. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

I'm left wondering if Kate Middleton has been rummaging through my wedding scrap book (I don't have one... Really) but there have been one too many coincidences if this honeymoon rumour is true.

This is 

This was

This is one of MY ideal holiday destinations... picture me stomping my feet!

Soneva Gili by Six Senses, Maldives (Crusoe Residences)

The award winning resort really is paradise on earth. A whole villa to yourself, a private butler, cook and transport to the main island whenever you request it. The entire resort prides itself on its commitment to eco issues (it was built using locally sourced wood) and they have a 'no news no shoes policy' (yes, they confiscate your shoes upon arrival). Jump off your villa whenever you fancy a swim or sleep under the stars on your outdoor bed. Request your own private picnic on one of the two small private desert islands nearby or go for a sunset boat ride with dolphins and sea turtles. Oh and HALAL FOOD. (All this info from memory - I impress myself sometimes).

Pretty much perfect.

I really sound like a snob but I don't care about the butlers and all the other small luxuries they throw in. I love this place so much for their philosophy and also how REMOTE it is. It truly is the perfect desert island.

Cosmopolitan Launches in the Middle East?!

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I am surprised to hear that Cosmopolitan have launched a new edition of their magazine in the Middle East. These will be sold in Kuwait, Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Oman and Lebanon, as well as Bahrain and Saudi Arabia.

This is the magazine that screams ‘SEX’ louder than any other and the thought of it being sold in a Muslim region does not sit comfortably with me at all. It sells itself by talking very openly about sex with husbands, partners and strangers. Now, I don’t wish to come across as some bearded preacher but the Middle Eastern culture is so rich that I worry introductions of the Cosmopolitan and such will only pollute it. Sure, there needs to be change in these countries when it comes to gender equality but NOT through this magazine.

The women of the Middle East deserve equality and respect. They need real change such as access to education and jobs, financial and political rights. They don’t need images of super models in hip skimming dresses to show them what is beautiful; bedroom tips to tell them what they should be doing or the notion that they should be reading this magazine to be considered a fashionable, cosmopolitan female.

The Middle East has its faults, and many of them, but the one thing they have retained (to a degree) is their modesty and morality. This is why the Cosmopolitan magazine fits in so perfectly here in the West - because society is so broken already.

The Cruel, Harsh Reality

Definition of Pathetic:
Arousing pity, sympathy, or compassion; Arousing scornful pity or contempt, often due to miserable inadequacy
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/pathetic

I cannot for the life of me look after a house plant! I grew up on Garden Force - Water features, slabs, Tommy and his wheelbarrow! I really am quite disappointed and feel like I have let myself down... but when I am presented with the evidence below, I have to take it like a man. Slap me with a restraining order - for the sake of the plants!

Exhibit A: My Poinsettia

What a Poinsettia should look like:

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What my Poinsettia looks like:

Even the snowflake is sad.

The 11th Reason Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me

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11. Edward tries to pimp Bella out (ref: Breaking Dawn)
  

See '10 Reasons Why Twilight Annoys the Hell Out of Me' here

The World Has Gone Mad

Police

In the run up to the annual TUC demonstrations, the Met have decided to change tact and implement a slightly more 'polite' policing for the event. They will provide water and access to toilet facilities to those who are ‘kettled.’ Furthermore, they will allow peaceful protestors and innocent passersbys to get past without being battered to death. Ian Tomlinson! He should have waited another two years before he decided to aggravate the police by innocently walking home from work.

iPad

The new iPad is released today. One word: Don’t.

The difference between the new iPad and the down right ancient one (released just months ago) is that the new model features a camera. A CAM-E-RA, I tell you. These days you can’t buy a washing machine that doesn’t come with a camera; it’s a standard feature! Apple are milking the hype they generate by purposely holding back so they can continue to release more versions – and lo and behold, the junkies will prove that they never waver in their resolve to hand over their cash for the same thing REPACKAGED.

Anyway, there are rumours circulating that a newer new model will be out in September.

September 2011.

Tony Blair

It has been revealed that my favourite ex-Prime Minister has been making secret phone calls to Gaddafi. Its not as illicit as it sounds but I find it really funny just trying to imagine how the transcripts read. Blair would be ever the diplomat, annoyingly calm and stumbling over words at times and Gaddafi would be labelling everyone but his mother a druggie, a rat or a cockroach.

Why Do People Boo Jedward?

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I thought I'd post this up quick, while everyone is still in the mood for hugging pink bunnies and blowing kisses to strangers.

Jedward. I adore them, I love them, they entertain and fascinate me. To me, they are living proof that dreams do come true. Although they have legions of jedicated fans, I am aware that many people don't like them - obvious by the vile and vitriol written about them and how people scoff when their names are mentioned. Oh and of course: the booing.

On Friday night, Jedward were announced the winners of Ireland's Eurosong on the Late Late Show - the contest which decides Ireland's act for the Eurovision song contest in May. I could not help but be affected by Jedward's jubilation. They jumped and shouted and hi-fived, as expected, but clearly not everyone was as thrilled.

Soon after the results, presenter Ryan Tubridy turned to the audience to ask those booing to 'show a little respect. They won fair and square. Give them their moment of happiness. You might not agree with the results but have respect for all those involved; their families, singers and song writers'.

It was at that moment I realised just how juvenile those people were. We didn't get to see them but they sounded like fully grown men.

What leads grown adults in to showing that level of hostility to two young kids? To go out of their way to publicly be malicious to two boys who have never been anything but sweet and respectful to their family, fans and even their critics. What crimes Jedward must have committed do deserve such ugly reactions.

The only thing Jedward are 'guilty' of is entering a talent competition because they believed in themselves. They had a dream, got off their backsides and did something about it. That's their 'crime'.

It was the judges and the public who voted to keep them in the X Factor. The public bought their single, their album and tickets to their sold outs tours. Anyone would chomp at the bit to have the opportunities that they are enjoying. Why would they, or should they stop doing what they love just because a few people don't like them?

I'm not asking anyone to love them or their work. If fans love and support them, then that's up to them. However if others dislike them then they are fully entitled to not buy their singles, to avert their eyes, switch off the radio/TV and to not read about them. There’s no need for booing or verbal abuse.

It’s so simple. It’s black and white.

I'm really very bewildered, aghast at what I heard on the show and disappointed - disappointed, because some people think its okay to be horrible to others because they're not to their taste. Really? Is this really who we've become?

They're human beings. They're people with hopes and aspirations, the same as the rest of us.

These harmless boys, and anyone else who is trying to follow their dreams, should be earning our encouragement and support. They had the guts to introduce themselves to the world at the risk of facing rejection. Most of us couldn't do that.

My advice: if you really must boo, save it for people who actually deserve them.

PS; Congratulations to Ireland on its selection process. It was open, fun and fair. They had judges, panels and a public vote. The UK, in stark contrast, had no voting, no panel and it was all done in private. The BBC decided we could do away with democracy and just appointed Blue for the job.

Reflections on the Dutty Wine

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As a relatively sheltered Asian girl my idea of strenuous dancing was always the macarena. Until, that is, I discovered the Dutty Wine...

I felt like I was witnessing an exorcism.

Wikipedia describes it as a 'head dance' - this is so much of an understatement it is almost a LIE. It involves a specimen of the female sex rolling her body provocatively whilst very, very violently swinging her head in a circular motion. In the words of Tony Matterhorn (a Jamaican artist - I've done the research) they 'wheel the neck!'. Oh, and the dancers are usually clothed (?) in a string bikini and a cheese cutter denim cut offs. So: bum up, elbows out and head like a propeller, about to take off.

What intrigues me is that people have actually died from partaking in this leisurely activity - doctors have repeatedly issued warnings against 'throwing your body in extreme positions' and yet it remains ever popular. I don't understand why (and I don't think I ever will), but I do suspect that male attention plays a significant part in why women feel the need to move like feral chicken.